UNKNOWN TALKS- EPISODE 6- Reviewing my first ever short story.

            REVIEWING MY FIRST EVER SHORT STORY

Hey guys! What are you doing? I hope everything's alright, and everybody is doing okay. Today, I have decided to go back some months ago. I started writing on the 16th of December 2020, almost eight months ago. I started off by writing short stories on Reedsy Prompts. It started as a "why not?". Now, I stopped writing stories to focus more on my books. It became stressful after a while because the people from reedsy would send you a topic and different prompt to write on a Friday evening and you had one week to finish it, until next Friday. You must have between 1k-3k words, and it was hard at the beginning especially when you were given a certain story to write. The thing with these prompts was a prize, a $50 dollar prize for the one who won the prompt. I have never won one, and it is better because it was stressful and I would be very sad and disappointed if I wouldn't win. 

The first story was called "Humans" and I am going to live a link and the story down below.

                                                    HUMANS

                                                           

 Imagine being in a world where any of your moves, thoughts, sounds, feelings, are predicted. For example, you are thinking that you are hungry and the Boss already predicted what you are going to do, or, you like a boy and The Boss already predicted that you are going to have a relationship with that boy. I am Joane and this is the world I live in. No freedom, we are controlled. Since you were born, one of his employees, insert in your brain a small thing named P.F,M , that stands for Prediction For me. You cannot take it off, the P.F.M is indestructible. The P.F.M works until you die.  

The Boss, he is the leader of everything, if you are thinking to commit suicide, The Boss is going to stop you. He controls everyone, even, animals. It is 7 a.m, I take my fertillity pills and go to the bathroom. Because of my P.F.M, I have problems with my fertillity. I look in my mirror, I feel like I am going to faint. This routine is killing me. I am eating my breakfast of pills and my pancakes. He feeds us 5 pills daily, He is giving us drugs but they call them” pills for our mental care”, but in reality, He is just trying to grow his army of employees. I pack my bag, I dress up and go to my school. I am at my science class, and I decided to ask my if we can somehow stop our P.F.M, and when he wanted to answer he suddenly stopped completly, because, if you try to tell any of His secrets about our P.F.M. Nobody understands why I am so desperate about stopping our P.F.M. My friends are avoiding me, they think that our P.F.M are helping us, and that is what The Boss wants us to think about. My mom is a doctor and I usually go to the hospital where she works, to do my homework. Now, I am at the hospital, in the waiting room, when I saw a brain scanner. I am staying in front of it, and I decided to search how to use a brain scanner and it is quite simple to use. You put some sort of cream and then, you take the scanner and put it on top of your head and in less than 3 minutes it gives your hole brain scanned. So, I have an idea, I am going to tell my parents that my brain hurts so bad and maybe they will make a brain scan. I am eating my dinner with my parents when I fell of the chair, right onto the floor. My parents are really scared and they are calling an ambulance. Now, I am at the hospital, they put me into a room with a brain scanner. They got me into it and put some cream on my head. After 10 minutes, I fell asleep. They woke me up and got me in a salon. I was sitting on the bed when my parents asked me if I am ok and showed me my brain scanned. The P.F.M is on the left part of my brain. And, now, I am looking at it and I discovered that my P.F.M has a code on it. Now, I am home, laying in my bed, thinking how I am going to stop my P.F.M. When I discovered that The Boss office is 200 kilometers away from my city. I made a plan. Tomorow, my parents are going to my aunt and I am going to the station and take a train to His office. I saw on internet that his office is on an Island and after I get out of the train, I am going to take a taxi to the Sea, and then I am going to take a boat from the seaport and then, I am going to go to His office as Miss Jade, one of the best informaticians to fix a problem with the P.F.MS, this is going to be hard but it is going to be worth it. My parents already went to my aunt, so, I will take with me a suit, some heels, and some money to buy the train ticket. The train is here now. I am kind of nervous but I have to do this. It has been almost six hours since I left my house. I am at a bathroom dressing up in some fancy clothes, so I can go in there easy. I went to the boat and told that I have some business with The Boss, and they let me get on the board. I am in front of the office, the guards told me that I can enter only with my P.F.M code and, thanks God, I know it perfectly. I went up the stairs and I went to The Boss, that told me all his plans about the P.F.MS and what he wants to do with the Human population. Now, I can finally destroy all the P.F.MS, and free all the people that are controlled by him. One of his employees showed me the room where you can stop all the P.F.M S on the hole Planet. He was sitting right next to me, telling me what I have to do, when I saw my code and my thoughts when suddenly, The Boss got out of the room. I clicked my code and saw everything I was thinking since I was born and right under all the information about me, I saw a thing named” cancel”. I pressed it and suddenly I felt like something felt out of my brain. I entered my P.F.M code and all my thoughts and predictions were deleted. Now, I was finally free. No predictions, no interdictions, no nothing, I AM FREE! Now that I am free, I am going to free everybody with P.F.Ms. I heard knocks in my door, and somebody was firing a gun. They saw what I did. I closed the door quickly. In front of any code there was a bottom named” kill army”. I didn't want to kill them but I had to, so I pressed it. Everything stopped in that moment stopped. I wanted freedom for every human on this planet, so then I clicked a big button named” END”, I pressed it and now there were no P.F.MS, no pills, just freedom. The Boss saw me and tried to open the door mad. In that moment I saw a small gun it had only one bullet. I pulled on the trigger and shot him in his head. Now, The Boss was dead. I could not believe. I ENDED IT. Now, the human population is finally free. When, the black lights started, when I heard-” THIS WAS A SIMULATION, THE HUMAN WHO RELASED IS FINALLY FREE, THE REST OF THE HUMANS ARE LIVING THE SIMULATION AGAIN”  

https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/contests/72/submissions/46502/ 

 It is bad, and there are a lot of spelling problems and a lot of sentences that make no sense. I was hurrying up to finish it. I had to write 1.000 words and it annoyed me! The idea itself is not bad, but it is not worked and it is not well-structured. The fertility thing is dumb and no, your brain can't hurt, only your head. I wanted you guys to see that everything has a start and a beginning. You should never give up on your dreams even if the beginning is hard. I wrote 13 short stories before I stopped on the 22nd of February 2021 when I wrote my last short story. I can see a huge difference between the first one and the last one. After that prompt, I started writing my first book which is not out for the public because it is a mess and a half.

I hope you enjoyed this short review about my first ever shot story! Keep your head up and work on your dreams until they become true! If you enjoyed this post, please give it a like, and if you want you can follow me here on Blogger!

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Have a nice day! Peace :)